Sigh.
I am in an emo state of mind these few days. Especially yesterday / was it the day day before? hmph. After talking with the girls and realising some stuff. Stuff about why people treat me a certain way, or why are people not responding to my actions and even they respond, it all seems awkward and weird.
Awkward like you expects someone to smile or laugh but instead they look like they are being shrugged off and offended. Weird like when you make a funny face, well, funny to you, at least, all in a good intention, and all you get back from them isn't a smile, not even close, sometimes.
It gets really frustrating sometimes when all your intentions were good and positive and it doesn't feel that way on the other person's point of view. The feeling sucks. Worse still, if he/she isn't a close friend, probably just an acquaintance, a person who you've met a couple days prior. He/she might not have stalked you on your Facebook profile and not have looked through all your funny-ass pictures, knowing that you're a certain kind of people. Normal case scenario, people judge you in a certain light by checking you out by your Facebook wall/ profile. Or by first impressions. First impressions are way important but then again, you can't judge a book by it's cover, they say. True. But who can help not to? I am dead serious, btw.
So, in this particular case of mine, it is a he-species. Shit. I made him sound like an animal. Rawr
LOL A sheep perhaps, Naomi? (According to Naomi, he's the sheep and i'm the hunter, about to shoot it dead. Poor sheep) I shall stick to X, just because i like and miss finding out what X is, maths. Heh. And so, X is not at all active on this awesome electronic communication mean, called Facebook. And, i mean, what kind of pre-adult are you? Right? So that means First Impression, it is.
So, we met a couple of weeks before but was just simple acquaintances. You know, we were in hello-smile-bye basis. nothing more and nothing less. Just acquaintances. Period. And his story was fascinating and it kinda took me by storm. I don't know why and have no specific reason but I just felt IT. You know, the feeling inside when a Christmas song comes on and your feelings all lifted. Gawd, that's what i call, bad description skills. Pardon that.
And so last weekend, we had class together,yes, we were in the same class. X looked over and smiled at me. Coincidentally, I was half-biting my lips.Guess I was just being weird ol' wacky Charmaine! And when i glanced at him. In respond to his friendly 'hello' smile, I gave him a funny-ass face with my teeth still on my lips. I thought it was funny and you know, would make people laugh. Well, can't blame me, I like spreading happiness to the world via the people around me! And if you know me well enough, I'm so not afraid to put out funny-ass faces just to get a giggle or a laugh from you, be it at me or with me! Sadly, he didn't.
The week after, he gave me a neutral look.
The week after that, he just looked.
Seems like that one funny-ass face came out the wrong way, and he took it that way. Sucks for me, really. One less smiley person :(
No, really, it wasn't just about making X like me or talk to me but basically, making someone think that I was unfriendly or being a blunt-ass bitch. I do not like making me hate me. It's the worst feeling ever! And now, it's haunting me, everyday. I don't blame him or anyone who feels that i'm being unfriendly or such, nor do i want them to feel like i'm such a bitch. Cuz i am really not. It's not me to make someone feel less-liked. Is that even a word?
Sigh.
Looks like I have to fix this myself without a funny-ass face but with being sane and grounded. Leave the funny-ass face for later, when we know each other better, perhaps. And for little annoying little kids.
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