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| Pre-University Graduation // Oct 2012 |
Okay, let's face the music, shall we? The clock's forever going to be ticking and one day passed is one day wasted, if I don't start getting myself ready, mentally and emotionally (and not to mention, the documents required) for this new transition that's going to punch me in the face soon enough. From Pre-University to varsity life, it's pretty intimidating, especially if your Pre-University program was in the little comfort bubble of high school environment. Yes, we have been trained to think critically, how to write a full-blown thesis, do research and apply theories to solve questions, and I'm undoubtedly grateful and proud that I've chosen to do Form 6 but the vast array of uncertain possibilities in my future still frightens me a little, now that Form Six remains as nothing but a bookmarked chapter of my life which molded me to what I have or will eventually become.
I think what differs this transition from the previous life transitions that I've gone through in my 20 years is that this time, it's a whole new change of environment, new way of doing things. The fact that I am unsure what lies in the next couple of months is driving me crazy, in a way unthinkable. Uncertain and insecure.
Last few transitions I've gone through were kind of, I'd say, comfortable. I'll just skip the kindergarten-to-primary school period 'cause that memory of mine remains pretty vague. I think the only thing I remembered about first day of primary school was mum peaking through the classroom windows with all the other mums whilst my teacher told us about the amount of medium-sized boxed exercise books we had to buy for her subject. So, first day of school at secondary school, I think I felt more excited than nervous, 'cause I knew that I didn't need to learn everything in Mandarin anymore. Yes, I was that awkward English-speaking girl in a Chinese vernacular primary school who went for almost every English-related competition there was but was always bad in anything mandarin. And I admit I used to wonder why my parents just had to enroll me into a Chinese vernacular school and let me suffer 'cause I was never good at the language. However, now that I'm older, I am ungodly grateful and thankful that I was and I'm able to speak/read/write in Mandarin. So, thanks folks!
So, when secondary school came along, I was happy to get out of that little 'hell-hole' and into a new world, with new friends. That transition was smooth-sailing, maybe mainly because I was really close to a few of the people in my class and I was more than comfortable that almost all of my subject were either in English or in Bahasa. I was in my comfort zone, contented. I switched schools when I went into Form Three and that transition from school-to-school wasn't much of a wreck either. My mum was teaching there and I've been there a couple times as a kid, following my mum to her extra-curricular activities and such. I had a childhood friend who became my classmate, I knew some of the teachers whom I used to refer to as 'auntie' and I had two close friends going through the whole switching of schools process with me. So, I was extremely, free from any vexation or stress.
The most recent one would have to be getting into Pre-University life and adapting to the workload, making new friends was pretty smooth-sailing, as well. Again, there was one person, whom I knew previously, Naomi, who turned out to be my classmate. So, contentedly, I eased through the first few days of Form Six life and of course, the whole 18 months after that was just pure fun and enjoyment. Same high school environment, same ol' teacher-student relationship, much lenient school rules and close-knit friends always makes everything better. So, I'd say Pre-university was easily one of the best parts of my school life. Easily.
Which makes the transition to varsity life a tad bit harder.
I think it all boils down to fear of what change will bring and, fear of something that might challenge me out of my little comfort zone. My little devoted happy place.
On a side note, I'm a staunch believer of change, being a rhythm of living. Out of hope, is progress. Without change, there is no progress. And so, note to self (and maybe to you who might be in the same situation that I'm in), you'll never know what is to come, what will happen tomorrow or in a few seconds, nothing is guaranteed, so all you can do is just go naturally with the flow and let reality be reality as life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Resisting it only creates sorrow. So, why fret when you can do something fruitful instead? Bring on the challenge. Whether you succeed or not, it's another story. But I guess, the fact that you're ready for any change at all and brave enough to face something unfamiliar is already a success story in the making.
TRUE LIFE IS LIVED WHEN TINY CHANGES OCCUR.
- Leo Tolstoy
P/S: I really think AIESEC has something to do with all this new motivation in me. haha
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